When I was younger- we'll say six or seven- me and my best friend used to take it in turns to be poorly at school. We'd spend break time hanging upside down by our knees from the railings, or rolling down the hills. Sometimes, we'd run in circles until we fell over, or we'd eat our apples and down our milk quickly quickly quickly under the impression it would make us ill. Whatever we did, we did it with the goal of leaving school, going home.

Fourteen years on (god, now I do feel old. I really really hope that I've counted it wrong. Has been known) I still make myself dizzy sometimes, but in a different way and for a different purpose. I read somewhere that the difference between a fear of heights and a fear of falling is all the difference in the world; and I have the latter- it took some pretty hefty hands on experience that I have nightmares about, but I now know I'm definitely scared of falling. Not falling as in, y'know, over, but from. Something.

So when I'm scared about something, for instance, oh I don't know- starting a new job? Just to pluck a random example that has nothing to do with what I'm doing on Monday, I imagine the world.

Not as weird as it sounds, have faith. In the words of a friend- and this should have been consigned to the dead jokes list by now, as we killed it and danced about on its remains- the 'worlds like, quite big place, innit.'

So I picture the whole thing, and when I do it I feel myself falling again- it's a guaranteed way to make myself vaguely dizzy and go red (I use it on stage when my character needs to blush. But thats for another time), and then I feel insignificant. If you will, it's a way of distancing myself from the worry at hand; making it seem insignificant.

Which it is, really.

Once I think about things like this, doing things like starting a new job or- eventually- throwing everything over and going travelling, or pretty much anything else on this list.

And a few more things, like never ever using the word 'cunt' in front of my siblings again, no matter how hard I've stubbed my toe on the bloody impractical marble stairs.

And seeing the Scissor Sisters live, and, and, and... so many things! Including open up to people.

*pauses*

Back on track. When I look at things this way, nothing really seems like a biggie, which helps. Somewhat.