"Yeah, she was actually really rude. She rang at dawn to yell "You gave my son tonsillitis!" down the phone at me."
"Doesn't she realise her son had a hand in his own downfall?"
"Apparently not. Oh, god, you're going to say it, aren't you. Look, I have to g--"
"--Or a tongue?"

Someone I've only mentioned in passing is now due to get their own post. Last weekend I went out, got rather drunk on banana shots and then categorically informed someone that while yes, I did have tonsillitis, the doctor had said it was non-contagious.

Under a certain, very narrow set of circumstances I can lie like a champion.

And he believed me. Frankly, people quite that stupid deserve all they get. Would you have believed me?

Predictably, he's now poorly too, and doesn't like me very much.

Hilariously, neither does his mother, who called me to tell me so.

I'm twenty, and people are still telling my mother on me.
Only in Cheshire.