Religious Implications

I've always been fascinated by religion- I love the idea of completely believing in something, with no reservations or regrets. However, in place of a possible unswerving devotion I was endowed with high cynicism levels and a wariness of everything where the asking of questions is not encouraged.
"Hush!" She'd hiss during storyhour, "Don't question it!"
As a child I went to a Christian primary school; a school of such religious rigidity that a girl in my year was once expelled for a week for voicing the view that God was "a woman, a fat black one with beautiful big teeth." Ignoring the fact that this girl has gone on to become a dentist-in-training, she's also a religious drifter; a joyrider, she skims the surface, indulges her interest, brimming with an enthusiasm which fades all too soon to an all encompassing disillusionment.
When I was a little older; three cross country moves, a fifteenth birthday and lost virginity later*, I had friends at the near-by Catholic school. By the fourth year- while I'd gone on to discover an equal interest in men as well as women, one of my friends had been pregnant, one had chlamydia and the other had lost any romanticism she ever possessed- "love?" she says, "as if." Love is not the point; an ardent Catholic, she plans to go on to have children, a husband, share her life, but she no longer factors love into these equations- this is the girl with whom I once spent a rainy bank holiday afternoon planning our eventual weddings; I always said I wouldn't get married, whereas she planned to have a slinky, sexy white dress and confetti with her face printed on the one side, her husbands' on the other. I think we all dreamt of being swept off our feet- why settle?
I don't know how I escaped the trap, or even if I have. I've watched those around me, those with religious upbringings fall into a seemingly unbreakable mould; either an unquestioning belief in a higher power that offers guidance, protection and a sense of near universal belonging- this also seems to come with a pair of gratuitous blinkers and mild santimoniousness; or a fervent refusal to conform, which too often results in a sense of disconnection, disproportion and disillusionment.
I'm on the outside looking in at something I've never had and wouldn't want if I did- unquestioning obeisance has never appealed to me, even as a child.
But still, I'm somewhat envious.

But back on track- France. After a tense plane ride and a slight panic induced, admittedly, by my absent mindedness; forgetting about the whole No Mobiles in Planes thing, I tried to turn my mobile on. Which was fun. We landed in Paris and rolled up at a hotel, slightly damp and an hour later than planned. J held the taxi, on the offchance there were no more vacanices, and I ran in with a newspaper over my head. All very amicable, the lady behind the desk was lovely, asking me questions about Charles and Camilla and the like, questions heavily oriented towards their wedding- did I think they should have married in Church?
And then I dared to ask for a room with a double bed. Her eyes moved in a well practiced flicker from my face to my hand and back again in a second- and she refused, by the time honoured expedient of pretending not to understand what I was asking for.
Ten minutes of determined haggling and rephrasing later and my clothes were beginning to dry, steam rising.
"Mademoiselle, I can give you two single rooms for the same price." Heavy emphasis on the title- if I'd been a married Madame I'd have got the room I'd bloody well asked for.
"But I want a double..." I fled when she started tutting and muttering under her breath.
So our Paris jaunt was off to a grand start- next post; My Boyfriend moved Seats on the Plane So He Could See the Hostesses Better.
But it was still fabulous- oh, yes it was.


*and a hilarious electric toothbrush story later- this story stripped me of a chunk of remaining innocence; parents be warned about sending your children, the apple of your eyes, to boarding school armed with an electric toothbrush- it seems some people will try to get kicks off anything.