Last night I had what's possibly the outing of all outings- of outings up North, anyway; London outings have amongst them one of the S Club Juniors trying to pick me up; how can anything beat that?
(Incidentally, I was unbelievably upset when I found out who it was- he sent someone over "Excuse me, miss? I'm representing someone who'd really like to be introduced to you..." that sort of thing. So of course I went, thinking, Robbie Williams, Johnny Depp. Those sort of lines.)

So last night we were curled up in a corner of one of my favourite places, the Mint Lounge (one time burlesque club, but that proved too risque for the Mancunians, so no longer).
I was sulking as a result of a foray into another club- "You look like you need a Screaming Orgasm!" the over friendly guy at the bar said, grinning manically. "Um, no. Thanks though." I turned away and asked, "Just how soul destroying do you imagine it must be to have to ask every girl who walks in here if she wants a hilariously named cocktail?"
"Cupcake. You are such a brat," he said, slipping an arm round my waist and kissing my cheek. Then he leant round me, "Actually, I think she'd be more than up for that Screaming Orgasm."
"No!" I interrupted before he got round to asking the guy if he was free. "White wine would be good though, thanks."

Then a guy came wandering over and, sitting by Joel, murmured something indistinct.

"What?" Joel yelled over the music.

"Uh, hi, I'm *insert name of choice here as I have forgotten it*."

"Hi, I'm Joel..."

"I just wanted to say mate, like, your really hot! Like, don't you worry mate, its safe cos I'm straight, but I'd so do you if I wasn't!"

I poked my head round Joel's shoulder and smiled- "Yes, that's fabulous mate, but is it safe for you?"

"Uh, what?"

Joel gave me a pissy glance, then ignored me. "Right. Thank you."

"Are you, like..."

I leaned over again, but before I could say anything, the stranger chimed in with- "I really wanna kiss you!"

I choked on my wine while trying not to laugh- smooth, very smooth. Both of us.

"Uh, no. No. Sorry, I have a girlfriend and I'm not gay..." Joel said, trying to throw his arm round me. I moved away; he can get himself out of his own corners.

The stranger twitched, visibly- "Mate I'm like, in a band? A big one?"

Impassive faces all round- well, actually, that's not true in the least; I sniggered and then bit my lip.

"Yeah, so am I," Joel said.

What a fibber that boy is. I leaned over to tell the stranger that, "I'm sure we could come to terms. Just how famous is this band of yours?"

And then I noticed his ear piercing.

Now, I'm no piercing snob- my ears and one nipple have born (it was a mistake. I was drunk, she was a) hot and b) a piercist in training and c) very persuasive about it) testimony to this, but... I have two pet hates- three, if I'm being unusually harsh. These are as follows; tongue piercings and those things, I'm not sure what the technical term is, but when people stretch the initial ear piercing?

*shudders*

Worse than fishnet, let me tell you.

My other pet hate, piercingwise, is bullrings. No no no. Just no. Never acceptable.

But, to get back on track, this guy had his left ear stretched to the point where I could quite easily see the other side of the room through it- well, if the room wasn't engulfed in a cloud of smoke, anyway.

The stranger smiled then. "Very"

"Oh?" I asked. Bored now the comedy value had worn off, I went back to exchanging smiles with one of the bouncers across the room; I have a short enough attention span when left to myself, but his piercing had done him no favours, at all- pity, cos it must have hurt lots.

Joel obviously decided then he hadn't had enough alcohol to deal with the whole shebang, filched my glass, downed its contents and then did what he assures me any normal person would do in the same situation- he glanced at his (watchless) wrist then slapped his head, like he'd forgotten an appointment. Then ran off and hid in the loos.

Yes, that's right. What sort of idiot has an appointment in the loos?

The stranger followed him, happily leaving me his drink- "Do you want this? I don't think I'm going to need it," he said.