Because I'm in such a good mood, I bring you-
Things I hate.

1. James Blunt.
2. Texas. Went there once. Someone bit me.
3. 'lol'. 'nuf said, I think.
4. The Palace theatre, Manchester. I don't know why, I just do.
5. Name games.
6. Apples with a deceivingly crisp outside and a fluffy centre.
7. The phrase 'significant other'.
8. Ditto 'other half'.
9. Significant others who buy me teddy bears. Just what, pray tell, am I expected to do with them?
10. Girls who describe themselves as 'sassy'. Put your waps away.
11. People who don't like the word cunt. Stop being such a girl about it.
12. Margaret Attwood. I made a complete twat out of myself in front of her recently, by dint of going with bog standard "I love your work!" that I use as opening lines when meeting famous people. Generally goes better- see Will Young, Stephen Fry, Brian Molko and... well, on with the list.
13. Artfully posed photos on MySpace. Look, we all know that just because tilting your face down and looking up at the camera makes you look cute in that picture, its a sure sign of a minger. Just accept it and stop plastering pictures of yourself all over t'interweb.
14. MySpace, Facebook, Bebo and all these other things people are obsessing about. With the exception of YouTube.
15. Looking in the mirror when drunk.
16. People who insist on taking photos of you when drunk/ hungover.
17. People who spell their names wrong. "Hi, I'm Christopher," he said, "with a y and two f's." Fuck off. It's not cool. Ditto 'Sophi' 'Tobie' and 'Linzi'. Just don't do it.
18. Miss Selfridge, New Look, Claire's Accessories and other cheap and nasty high street stores.
19. What's happening to Abergavenny at the moment. Bloody chain stores taking over.
20. Health warnings on cigarette packets. Yes, I know it's killing me. Something has to. Anyone else feel like they're being picked on by the government just a teensy bit?
21. Pensions forms from my bank. Three in as many weeks? Pack it the fuck in, or I'll move.
22. Wagner.
23. Being sneered at in Waterstones when I asked if they had a book in stock- so what if it was fantasy? Work on your attitude.
24. Pregnant women who smoke. And people who swear in front of the kiddies.
25. People who refer to girlkind as 'chicks'. Ditto 'bird'.
26. Men who call you the morning after- generally the ones you really really can't remember- and sing to your voicemail. Not cool.
27. Leaving voicemail messages. I go all old english- Alright chaps? Jolly good. I'm posh anyway, but... sheesh. Too much.
28. Being called 'posh totty'. And the assumption that because I went to a Catholic boarding school that means I'm up for anything.
29. The assumption that because I have biggish boobs and we're at a party I won't mind if you touch them. No.
30. Belly bars.
31. Girls who pretend to like football to get a guy to like them. Just wear a padded bra and be done with it. Men really aren't that complicated.
32. People who cry when they get drunk. Ditto people who wander around saying "God, I'm like, so drunk!"
33. Holding peoples hair out of the way while they throw up. Do it yourself.
34. Little chavs on street corners who demand sexual favours. Then throw milk at you. Has been known. The milk, I mean, not the actual happening of the sexual favours.
35. 'Significant others' asking how many people you've slept with. Do you want me to lie?


Fuck me, I hate a lot of things.