I seem doomed to never sleep alone again; and this has nothing to do with my sex life. I'm back at my mother's house; and my little brother will not leave me alone.

At all.

Last night I woke up to find him wriggling his way in between the covers- "I had a nightmare Mogcat"
"Pardon?"
"I had a nightmare."
"Yes, I heard that bit sweetie. What did you call me?"

Blah. He's just learned how to spell my name; he's currently pronouncing the 'g' bit with a 'g' sound, not a 'j' one.

(Incidentally, his teacher's a complete and utter prat and fool of the first water; when doing a story about his thrilling weekend, he asked her how to spell my name and she told him to change it, because she didn't know. Just how difficult is it?)

iMOGen; he wrote it out for me- in eyeliner on the window- just in case I wasn't keeping up. He's been spending entirely too much time with my mother; she's very good at spreading the patronising bug.

The 'cat' bit is not entirely unfounded, and might make sense to an eight year old brain- my cat is also refusing to let me sleep alone.

Which would be fine, as it's all very well and cute, except the one- imaginatively named Felix- wakes me up before dawn to go hunting (I imagine, from the amount of partially dead things he keeps bringing into the cottage) and the other- Theo- wakes me up at actual dawn. He's very keen; back in the day I'd get up at the last minute to be on time for school, but he's up and about a good three hours before school starts.

But, being so blonde and cute- I have a weakness for blonde people with blue eyes, I let them walk all over me- when he wakes me up and asks nicely for me to make him breakfast, I do it.
Which surprised even me; I don't make myself breakfast- on the grounds that it's too much effort- but all he has to do is bat his eyelashes at me, and I'll look up Delia's wishfully entitled Idiot Proof Guide to Pancake Making.

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He got his school report on Friday; the summary reads - Theodore is a wonderful addition to our class, he joins in with all classwork and is a vocal member in group work. He will go far.

My school report for the same year (3) read - Imogen has a delightful sense of humour but needs to curb her impulsive side.

But it's a good sign; he can pay off all my debts (ie my outrageous student loan one) when he's rich and doing more than I'm going to do with my life. I could even be the spinster sister who gets up at dawn to make him pancakes and walks him to school/ work wearing enough makeup not to embarrass him in return for a penthouse apartment in central London.

I am indeed at the beck and call of an eight year old.

I agreed to walk him to school this morning along the scenic route- through the foresty bit while wearing flipflops and a skirt; my legs are now completely covered in insect bites.
And my right thumb, for some reason.

I'm still learning to curb my impulsive side.